BrinGinG dowN: tHE hearTache aNd ThE eGO

2 hari lepas aku adakan perjumpaan aras. Setiap aras akan ada sorang felo penasihat dan aku jadik felo penasihat untuk aras 7. aras 7 nih adalah campuran dari macam macam kaum dan majority nya adalah student baru tapi student final year dan student yang kena extend mendominasi aras ini. Announcement aku dah naikkan melalui poster yang ditampal pengerusi aras (dilantik oleh pihak pengurusan kolej dgn sokongan pengetua dan felo2 lain) sehari sebelum perjumpaan yang aku nak buat. Malahan sebelum perjumpaan pun lepas isya’ tuh ada announcement lagi melalui sistem PA yang basically petronas kat sebelah tuh pun boleh dengar. Tapi yang bestnya hanya budak cina yang beri kerjasama dan budak melayu yang ada pun berapa kerat jer yang turun. So tell me macam mana nak kata yang cina nih agak kurang ajar??? Atau cina nih susah nak dgr cakap/arahan? Mungkin derang nih student dan these Chinese nak ilmu dari aku ke, tapi sekurang2nya perbuatan derang dgn turun menyertai pejumpaan tu amat menyenangkan hati aku. Budak melayu?? Maaf ye tulisan ini bukan la bersifat racist tapi membuatkan aku terpikir dgn tanggapan yang dilontarkan oleh sesetengah orang/rakan2/kawan2 mmg tersangkal malam itu. Aku melayu, tapi student melayu mmg kebanyakannya (tidak la semua) tidak menghargai atau menghormati pensyarah atau penolong pensyarah mahupun sebagai yang lebih tua dari mereka. Tell me that they are muslim and the holy book doesn’t teach them to greet between the brothers and the sisters.

So I went with the pengerusi aras yang namanya mustakim to the 7th floor and ketuk pintu by pintu. When I asked did they read the announcement, some said they didn’t, some said yes but “we have work to do”. And I simply said “I will see you at the basketball court in 5 minutes”. Yes as expected, some did turn up some didn’t. To my surprise, no Chinese or Indian students were in the room. Tell me that they read the holy book better then we the Muslim? I am not judging but this is the experience that I have gone through. And I am not asking any of the reader to condemn nor that I provoke the sanity state of the mind. Apa aku mengarut nih. So bila aku turun dari tingkat 7 tu, I went to the basketball court. Before that there was a group of boys, and they were speaking out loud ( I bet they wont be needing the PA system to make any announcement) and gelak gelak like no one business. One of them was mimicking the girl with big boobs when I stared at them. Ghee, and they claim they are university students?? If university students behave this way, I wonder those who aren’t in the university, will behave like…(ahhh I let you to complete the sentence whichever adjectives that suit you). And I called them to gather at the basketball court to start the meeting. So those boys yang gelak kuat2 tadi were staying at the 7th floor as well. Splendid. And I made an introduction of “for someone who is small, he has to speak so loud to make himself appears big”. That line went to that boy. Guess what, he didn’t understand. So I translated for him, “tin kosong”. Why did I say that yeah? I basically know him. He is an ‘extend’ student, who unable to complete his study on time. He is lacking in his study but he develops a very strong and establishes himself among the community in the college (the hostel). So this kid has an ego that I plan to lower down his ego and lifting his thinking to another scope, that life isn’t about who you are amongst your small community but in the larger one. Dia boleh jadi terkenal dan hebat dikalangan kawan2 dia dalam kolej ni. But bila dia keluar dari universiti ini, I don’t think he is that great if he to work in a company atau apa apa la professional body. Unless dia nak kerja jual insuran atau jadik waiter, yes he might need the out loud voice to make his policy plan looks bloody fucking great. Bila dia berperangai macam tu, he is actually tidak mempunyai personality yang orang boleh rely on. I am not asking him to behave ‘skema’ly or a nerdy like me (am I?? Verify anyone.. yes, I am wearing glasses). No no no. I don’t want him to be like me, he can have that happy go lucky attitude, but he has to draw some lines where to be serious and where not to. Another example, kalau kita jalan kat luar in public places, you cannot simply jerit2 nama kawan kita or jalan macam orang tak betul. And you think it is cool to act that way. Na ah.. I don’t think so or, dalam LRT or commuter train, you make a peculiar act like menyanyi kuat2/ duduk kat peha kawan kau. Is it an apt doing? I am a civilized person, I don’t act like one but I am behaving like one indeed. Behave and act is different, in case you may get confused yeah. Behave is a natural doing but act, isn’t. You force yourself to fake the thing that isn’t you. Berlakon laa.. keji la perangai macam nih.
So dalam perjumpaan tu, I emphasized the ethics and reminding them how important the studies to them. I said they maybe superstars among the friends, or the Tycos to the junior, or footballers, or sportsmen or supermen (mati la kau supirMAN). But the reason you enroll in this university is to learn, to gain knowledge and to graduate with good scores! And the scores are measured by your CGPA. Yerp there are ppl saying “tak belajar tinggi2 pun boleh kaya”. Tell you what, I was touched when shountan said “I compared the Malaysian cabinet (heippp bukan kitchen cabinet yerkk) and the Singaporean. That’s why Malaysia failed during the negotiation!!”. Faham?? Tak faham?? What shountan highlighted was, level of education the Malaysian ministers (and the PM as well) have are so much lower than the Singaporean ministers have! I am not supporting Singapore nor that I am not patriotic. This is the fact we should focus on. In Malaysia I believe (and I may be wrong), it is not the education that counts that much. The bigger the lie you can make the bigger the post you may achieve!! And I know I wont be a good politician since I am an angel! Ah I know someone that can be a fucking good politician. Na ah, I am hinting you but it is up to you to speculate **mati la spekulasi

I said to these students, when you go out, people will assess you accordingly. When an SPM holder make a silly mistake, people say, ah, he is just an SPM holder, what do you expect. But if you are a graduate (be it degree or diploma or postgrad), u make a silly mistake people certainly will critic you and the worst is, they question you, “nih dapat certificate dari mana nih berperangai macam nih”. So becareful. Patutnya orang yang berpelajaran dan berpendidikan berperangai lebih baik la dari yang tidak berpendidikan tinggi. Kalau yang tidak berpendidikan nih kuat menipu we the educated ones shouldn’t be like them. We may express our anger but not by lying or act the way these tidak berpelajaran tinggi individuals do. We are then just similar, alike them. But I don’t discriminate. I am just being selective.

So malam tu bila bab perangai aku pandang budak tu just to bring his ego down. Aku nak bagitau kat dia yes ada tanah untuk dia pijak dan dia bukan berterbangan diangkat orang. Btw, there is big malay company is doing a retrenchment, and I must be missing the part when someone ever said to me that I am jealous of not going overseas. Dan aku tidak mahu ria’, insya allah aku akan tetap kan azam I will be going somewhere. Tapi kan aku tak pernah cakap, yang I am a graduate brag brag brag and you are jealous of me, even though I am receiving lesser pay but I don’t have to bear the stress. Pada aku, as long as the work is halal, what to brag about?? You talk about making money yeah? Then let me tell you that every year, I can celebrate hari raya with my umi and my siblings. And I can salam, and cium my umi’s dahi which sometimes you missed it. And tell me your money can buy that moment? Or you don’t have a real family. Poor me then. (sigh).

I know I am skema. Tapi kalau orang yang professional, mmg mereka patut berperangai macam tuh. We have the so called code of conduct (yeker?? Betulkan kalau salah yer. Saya bersedia menerima teguran tidak seperti sesetengah orang (??) yang tidak pernah salah. ) atau tatacara kerja dan tatatertib kelakuan. A lecturer tidak akan buat perangai gila2 macam gelak tak tentu hala atau menjerit2 nama orang tak tentu pasal and aku malu la jalan ngan orang yang suka buat perangai gila gila tak kena tempat. Agak tidak sopan dan huru hara. But dalam bilik dia sama kawan2 dia lain la. ikut keadaan. Sama jugak ngan student. They have to behave accordingly. Towards the end of the meeting, I said to that boy “bai, jgn ambil hati yer dgn apa yang saya cakap” . He supposed I was apologizing and offering a friendship. He said “saya terasa la sikit”. And he supposed wrongly!!! I said to him “ah, then message is delivered”. And I walked away. I know he must be pissed off, but one day, if it isn’t tomorrow or next week or years to come, one fine day, he will sit and thanking me. I underwent this situation before (tapi cara yang lain sikit la) and I thanked that pensyarah her name is Zarina Abd Rahman. Sarep, you belum ambil kelas ngn zarina kan?? Awas yerkk.. khamis nanti you akan tgk demo macam mana zarina punya anak didik mengajar… awassss yu sarep! Nanti bekpes ai belanja.

I felt bad of what I did to that boy. But I want him to learn, to have a personality and to stand firmly, respected by the public. I am not going to say sorry to him and I will certainly have my eyes on him. Dia student bermasalah dan dia memerlukan pertolongan. I will help him.

Hey I am feeling good la pulak lepas tulis benda2 nih. You know, blog nih bukan la sekadar nak tulis, I pergi dating ngan budak nih dan kuwar ngan budak tuh lalu budak ini dan itu suka I for who I am. Eh where did I read that line yeah?? Na ah I didn’t read intentionally but someone showed it to me. When I said I don’t like a person anymore I mean it. Anything that has to do with him, none of my business anymore. Tapi that is individual punya pilihan laa. Apa la aku nih. Lantak la dia nak tulis apa dan lantak la aku nak tulis apa pulak.

I never asked my students to thank me, but I would appreciate them if they respect me. I cannot instruct my students to respect me, since respect is like love, is earned not asked. Dan kegembiraan seorang pendidik is not counting how many heads that get A’s in the exam but the count of heads that knock the door thanking him!

- I am always the Fallen Angel-